sometimes, running sucks.

Tears were shed during yesterday’s workout. It was, by far, one of the most painful, humbling workouts ever – both physically and mentally.

I was apprehensive to even go to the P2 run / bike brick. Still regaining my running legs after an injury, a 75-minute tempo + track run sounded intimidating. But, I went anyway, telling myself I could pace myself or even modify if needed (which, of course, would never happen, as pacing or modifying isn’t an option when running with others).

The run started off easy enough with a 15-minute warm-up down Summit to River Road. From there, we picked up the pace with a  7.5-minute out + a 7.5 back. Not so bad.

It was just 200m into an 80 percent max 3 x 1,600m track workout at St. Thomas, however, that I knew I was in trouble.

In a flash, everyone was ahead of me.

Aaaaaand, repeat three times.

Between the first and second intervals, I told Nick it was probably best to not talk to me until the bike. Between the second and third, I tried not to cry. And, after the third – despite running a 7:47, 30 seconds faster than my first two splits and faster than I’ve ran in ages – I nearly vomited on the field.

Confession: Coming in dead last doesn’t sit well with me. I hate being slow and last (yes, I know, it’s just training, and I’m coming off an injury, but I still don’t like it). And, I know I shouldn’t compare myself to anyone but myself, but damn it, that’s hard when everyone is faster than you and you’re finishing 30 seconds after they crossed the finish line. It only results in this:

And, rob me of all joy it did, even on the usually blissful bike.

Seven miles in, I was sick of riding behind someone who didn’t quite know group cycling etiquette yet (pedaling backward in a pace line is a big no-no), so I took off down a slight downhill. Big mistake. About a mile later, my toes, foot and calf siezed up in a cramp so excruciating that I nearly fell off my bike. Everyone stopped and waited until it (sort of) passed, which upset me even more because I didn’t want to be that annoying new girl holding up the group.

As soon as we arrived back at our starting point, the Macalaster track, I threw my bike in the backseat and left without a goodbye.

Once home, in between serious stomach cramping, the tears flowed pretty freely for a bit as I wallowed in self-pity, upset about how terrible I did. Even now – a day later – I’m still a bit upset about it.

But, I’m sucking it up, getting over it and moving on to the next workout. Everyone, everyone, has sucky workouts. Heck, even my seemingly invincible man, who bonked during his 20-mile run last Saturday, still laced up his running shoes and rocked last night’s workout.

Reminder: Focus on the positive. Always.

Three months ago, I couldn’t even run. Last night, I ran more than eight miles(!), including a sub eight-minute mile, and then biked another 11. And, even though running sucks sometimes, I DID the workout. I FINISHED the workout. And, tears or no tears, I’ll do and finish the next one, stronger and faster.

My new mantra:

How do you deal with painful workouts that test your limits?